Day One With Twenty in Front
It’s not surprising that this writing journey, which was prompted by my discovery that I’ve been living with ADHD for 48 years, would be a little inconsistent. In the past, I’ve started writing, gone strong for a while, missed a day, and then never came back to it. So here’s to trying something new and just jumping back in when I notice.
This week, I received my “official” diagnosis. The doctor and psychologist, after reviewing my assessment, had no trouble coming to the shared conclusion that I’m a part of the club. I’m thankful that early in this process, I picked up “ADHD is Awesome” by Penn and Kim Holderness. It gave some great context with some great humor for how to process all of this.
After some further discussion, my doctor and I decided it was worth trying some medication to see if that would be helpful. I picked up the prescription right after the appointment, and since it was early enough, I went ahead and took my first dose. I didn’t become a different person or see all the struggle disappear, but the change was noticeable. I finished up the tasks I had for the morning, went home, and noticed the trash was full…so I took it out. Then I grabbed a new bag and put it in.
I know. Wild.
Then I remembered that a few weeks before, I noticed my car registration was overdue by a few (11) months. I thought about it whenever I got in the car, but that day, I went to get it done. And here is where the story grinds to a halt.
If you look at the picture in my hand, you’ll see I hold the number ‘84’. As I pulled the ticket, I saw the illuminated sign telling me, “Now Serving: 62”. Ok. So I sit down. I open Facebook, scroll for a moment…and realize I am not interested. I take a risk and walk around the block, hoping twenty-two people didn’t just drop in to say hi and leave.
I get back, and the count has only moved by a few. I spent the next twenty minutes using my phone to do a graphic design project, log away ideas for three writing projects (including this one), and then reached out to a few people I meant to contact earlier. Blessedly, at this point, two nice retired ladies near me started talking about the wait and asked me how long I’d been there. This gave me another twenty minutes of something to do.
All of a sudden, the idea of doing nothing felt…difficult. I felt a need to focus in and do something. I checked in with a friend who has been down this road ahead of me, who told me that on their first day, they got to work and had to just stand around for an hour, and it was torture. They did tell me that this is a first-day phenomenon, and I should start to find a comfortable new normal within a few days.
Paul said to the Ephesians,
Pay careful attention, then, to how you walk—not as unwise people but as wise—making the most of the time, because the days are evil.
Ephesians 5:15-16 CSB
In this window of time, my body was fully activating that passage. Full attention, making the most of the time…that was me. But then I remembered my conversation with my doctor. He is also a member of club ADHD. While my experience with meds has so far been good, his has been different. He became so hyper-focused that his wife had to nearly throw stuff at him to break him out of it.
He, too, was making use of the time. Probably getting something important done. But when you look at the context of the passage above, you’ll quickly notice that all of Paul’s suggestions for how you ought to live aren’t about productivity, but relationality.
Speaking to one another in music and praise.
Giving thanks.
Submitting to one another.
I realize now that the conversation I had with two women about waiting, laughing about bureaucracy, and keeping each other company was likely the most important thing I accomplished in that waiting room. A little bit of kingdom life entered that space.
It will be interesting to see how this journey goes. I definitely have more stories from day one that I’ll share down the road, but for today, I’m reminded that whatever level of attention we do have, there’s no better way to use it than with the person in front of us.